Courage – To know you’re going to trip and fall, yet you continue the path…
NOTE* – If you’re in the midst of a storm, please read this. I know you feel lost and maybe you’re ready to end it all or you feel lost and just not sure what to do, BE STILL AND LET GOD IN AND ASK HIM FOR THE STRENGHT TO SURVIVE. I PROMISE YOU WILL MAKE IT THROUGH.
I haven’t ever considered myself courageous, brave, or strong. I have considered myself worthless, non-desirable, and forgettable, but never have I ever thought courageous.
I have survived with hopes of seeing a different side of life I don’t know, I’ve lusted after objectivity and craved what others have. I wake up most days disgusted of the man I am in the moment and wished/prayed for death. I have so many times asked God to give me my last breath and begged him to take me. I’ve struggled to get past the verbal/physical beating I have taken my whole life, was told I was the black sheep and would never make anything of myself in my life. I have listened and heard those I thought loved me tell me they didn’t. I have literally been told I was not worthy to be a grandson, son or friend. I’ve been told they’d be better off if I was dead or died. I could go on and on about what I have heard from those closest to me, I won’t get into the physical side of the abuse just yet. It’s funny that I have rarely heard the opposite and been encouraged to fight.
I began this life in an uphill battle to survive and met the devil face to face and toe to toe so many times that I can’t even remember all of it. I have been so broken that I just lay in the bed with a pillow over my head hoping for it to end. I have slept on a floor and had cockroaches and other bugs crawl over my body while I tried to sleep in a house I didn’t belong in just to stay off the streets. I have been thrown out the door of my childhood HOME and told to never return. I have eaten food from a garbage can because I had nothing else and no money. I have worn the same outfit, under garments included, for multiple years. I would change the appearance of the outfit just in hopes no one would notice. I have walked miles in a direction because I had nowhere to go. I’ve crossed oceans for a country that is no longer worthy. I have felt the last breath of loved ones and enemies, I have been on the wrong side of right and hurt so many. I’ve cheated and I have lied to gain the upper hand. I have been deceitful; I have seen the inside of a jail cell. I’ve spent time in the mental ward for mental health issues. I have woke up to complete silence and no one in my corner. I have smells that others consider beautiful make me sick to my stomach because of the images that I see when I smell it. I have stolen food and things I needed to survive, I have been the cause of men and women’s drug addictions, I’ve been the contributor of parents losing their children strictly because I was given orders to do so. All of this just to survive. I have seen such hate for my presence that I gave me chills, I have made it through all of this, why?
BECAUSE:
Because I continue to believe there is another side to this life that I am missing. It cannot be my life’s destiny to live in hell, I have had many moments in life that have been heavenly and I have weirdly enjoyed this life, the last 9 years have been my best years. I have a family that loves me, not all family is blood. I have to young lives with beautiful spirits that love me unconditionally. I have this beautiful wife that has inspired the man I am today and continues to fight for me even when I don’t. She is so strong and always positive; it blows my mind to see her strength when I am weak. She holds me up even if I don’t want too. I’ve reconnected with my brother and after 32 years we have a relationship that I have longed for. I’ve begun to see the life I longed for, my life is just beginning…
DON’T GIVE UP 5 MINUTES BEFORE THE MIRACLE!
to be continued…
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Man's Daily Struggle 